This week, I cracked. Though I managed half a week of exercise, mental and physical tumult rendered me exhaustible and indifferent.
Monday: Rested. A weekend of traveling and running in two different states, coupled with a return to a city that, I believe, I might be allergic to equals Rest Day. Upon disembarking from the MegaBus at 28th and 7th, I promptly dissolved into sneezes. All this after spending 48 hours in the New England outdoors without so much as a cough. I blame the polluted air of the island. Isn't ironic how the word 'island' will conjure up images of restful beaches and swaying palms whereas Manhattan looks like a grey mud bubble?
Tuesday: Sought solace from the grey mud bubble in a run at the park. Since class was cancelled, I felt unburdened, and ran for about 30 minutes through cherry blossoms and new grass. During my cooldown, I was approached by a delightful Lab-mutt named Mishka, who licked all the sweat off my face. Some might find this repulsive. I nearly cried from delight, it made me that nostalgic for home. Had I the means, I would have packed that pup up in my pocket and spent the day having my chin licked off. Between the leftover high from the weekend running and the reconnection with the important things in life, I made a decision: I decided (during my surprise day off) that I will embark on an adventurous trip after I complete my MFA. The summer of 2011 will be dedicated to living in a foreign country and learning to surf. Truth be told, I'll have The MFA and since that's all I wanted to accomplish in the first place, why not seek out another dream goal? Re: seek balance. Pushing myself too hard these days results in me feeling like I'm failing (I know, I know, it's not 'failing', it's 'trying better'). Since I've found it impossible to silence my self-judgements, I'm going to take a break and learn something new (i.e. surfing), thus reconnecting with my gentler self - the voice that encourages me to think like a beginner and to relish imperfection. I've choked this voice out of my consciousness since being in graduate school, mainly because it's a cutthroat industry, and being kind and gentle on myself will not result in excellence, nor will it push me out the door to auditions. However, the cost has been high: constant anxiety, lowered sense of worth, and imbalanced daily activities. In short, I'm overdue for an extended vacation - one that can erase a 3-year scar of elevated stress levels. I'm pretty sure 4 months in Bali with nothing but a surfboard and a few books will cure me.
Wednesday: Back to the grind. I tried to find balance on the subway while juggling a 3-ton bookbag, breakfast, and heels. Why do I insist on challenging myself before 8am in the morning? A new workout was on the menu: the celebrity circuit. a short cardio warm-up, 3 cycles of alternating strength moves with cardio, and an intensified cardio set at the end to cap it off. I measure success of a workout in sweat these days. Since this one made me sweat profusely, I'd say it's a keeper. The quest for keeping my sanity this week revels in a small accomplishment: clown demonstration for Bring your Child To Work Day. Thursday will be full of red noses, ridiculousness, and miniature William Shakespeare figurines. Should I be worried that this prospect makes me feel like I've won the lotto? I'm starting to empathize with the performers who "run away with the circus"....
Thursday: Clown Day. We ran around with small red masks (aka clown noses) on our faces, in silence, while teaching small children how to act ridiculous. As if kids need lessons in harnessing their inner ridicule. After clowning, I went to try out some mattresses, on a whim. I nearly cried when I discovered the kind of rest I could be getting, instead of the "rest" I'm privileged to now. Perhaps I'm always exhausted because my bed is the comforting equivalent of a jagged, broken-down pile of granite.
Friday-Sunday: Trekked around NYC, in preparation for a performance in a 15-minute play competition festival. Saturday night was the performance, and we were selected to move on into the final round of competition. Stress levels were extremely high during the tech rehearsal, and then we skipped half a page of dialogue in the actual performance. The audience was none the wiser, however I think the playwright might have had a slight stroke. I was exhausted by the week's end, needless to say. I've got to find a way to be less exhausted...without spending $1500 on a dream bed.
Goal for this week: Fit in more days of concentrated exercise than this past week's.
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