This week, I cracked. Though I managed half a week of exercise, mental and physical tumult rendered me exhaustible and indifferent.
Monday: Rested. A weekend of traveling and running in two different states, coupled with a return to a city that, I believe, I might be allergic to equals Rest Day. Upon disembarking from the MegaBus at 28th and 7th, I promptly dissolved into sneezes. All this after spending 48 hours in the New England outdoors without so much as a cough. I blame the polluted air of the island. Isn't ironic how the word 'island' will conjure up images of restful beaches and swaying palms whereas Manhattan looks like a grey mud bubble?
Tuesday: Sought solace from the grey mud bubble in a run at the park. Since class was cancelled, I felt unburdened, and ran for about 30 minutes through cherry blossoms and new grass. During my cooldown, I was approached by a delightful Lab-mutt named Mishka, who licked all the sweat off my face. Some might find this repulsive. I nearly cried from delight, it made me that nostalgic for home. Had I the means, I would have packed that pup up in my pocket and spent the day having my chin licked off. Between the leftover high from the weekend running and the reconnection with the important things in life, I made a decision: I decided (during my surprise day off) that I will embark on an adventurous trip after I complete my MFA. The summer of 2011 will be dedicated to living in a foreign country and learning to surf. Truth be told, I'll have The MFA and since that's all I wanted to accomplish in the first place, why not seek out another dream goal? Re: seek balance. Pushing myself too hard these days results in me feeling like I'm failing (I know, I know, it's not 'failing', it's 'trying better'). Since I've found it impossible to silence my self-judgements, I'm going to take a break and learn something new (i.e. surfing), thus reconnecting with my gentler self - the voice that encourages me to think like a beginner and to relish imperfection. I've choked this voice out of my consciousness since being in graduate school, mainly because it's a cutthroat industry, and being kind and gentle on myself will not result in excellence, nor will it push me out the door to auditions. However, the cost has been high: constant anxiety, lowered sense of worth, and imbalanced daily activities. In short, I'm overdue for an extended vacation - one that can erase a 3-year scar of elevated stress levels. I'm pretty sure 4 months in Bali with nothing but a surfboard and a few books will cure me.
Wednesday: Back to the grind. I tried to find balance on the subway while juggling a 3-ton bookbag, breakfast, and heels. Why do I insist on challenging myself before 8am in the morning? A new workout was on the menu: the celebrity circuit. a short cardio warm-up, 3 cycles of alternating strength moves with cardio, and an intensified cardio set at the end to cap it off. I measure success of a workout in sweat these days. Since this one made me sweat profusely, I'd say it's a keeper. The quest for keeping my sanity this week revels in a small accomplishment: clown demonstration for Bring your Child To Work Day. Thursday will be full of red noses, ridiculousness, and miniature William Shakespeare figurines. Should I be worried that this prospect makes me feel like I've won the lotto? I'm starting to empathize with the performers who "run away with the circus"....
Thursday: Clown Day. We ran around with small red masks (aka clown noses) on our faces, in silence, while teaching small children how to act ridiculous. As if kids need lessons in harnessing their inner ridicule. After clowning, I went to try out some mattresses, on a whim. I nearly cried when I discovered the kind of rest I could be getting, instead of the "rest" I'm privileged to now. Perhaps I'm always exhausted because my bed is the comforting equivalent of a jagged, broken-down pile of granite.
Friday-Sunday: Trekked around NYC, in preparation for a performance in a 15-minute play competition festival. Saturday night was the performance, and we were selected to move on into the final round of competition. Stress levels were extremely high during the tech rehearsal, and then we skipped half a page of dialogue in the actual performance. The audience was none the wiser, however I think the playwright might have had a slight stroke. I was exhausted by the week's end, needless to say. I've got to find a way to be less exhausted...without spending $1500 on a dream bed.
Goal for this week: Fit in more days of concentrated exercise than this past week's.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Week Four: Is it Week Four...?!
The semester is drawing to a close and, appropriately, I'm in the most difficult stretch. I went away for the weekend to find my sanity. The highlight of the trip, besides reconnecting with family and friends, was reconnecting with my running.
Monday: Pool. It's getting easier. I'm in the 'FAST LANE'. This may sound impressive, but take into account that the other FAST LANE swimmers include a geriatric with flippers and a crack-head who calls himself Phelps.
Tuesday/Wednesday: These have started to be my rest days. Since I workout through the weekend, I find a need a mental break earlier in the week.
Thursday: Elliptical for an hour. Caught up on the news. I think Mother Nature is pretty upset wiht us right now.
Friday: Grotowski. Truly, this "workout" wreaks physical and emotional havoc.
Saturday: Running in a different state. Oh the glorious intake of fresh air! I did a circuit around the local playground: liners on the basketball court and calesthenics on the jungle gym. It kept me interested, at least. 25 minutes flew by.
Sunday: My surprise favorite. Running in the morning in yet another state (2 in one weekend), I was so excited by not only the perfect running weather (you know the kind: cool, with a hint of dew) and the crisp, woodsy air but also by the fact that I was OUTSIDE, I ended up running for an hour. It literally flew by. And around the half hour mark, I remembered how I used to love running. The way it feels when I reconnect with my torso and limbs moving on their own, drinking in fresh air like cold tea, feeling the blood pulse in sync with the rhythm of my breathing - I could have run right off the streets and kept going for days. It was the first time in a few months where I've had a quiet morning to myself to think and be peaceful on my own terms. I did not have to wake up that early for class or work; I woke up for me, and I had space and time to clear my thoughts. I found my sanity; it's at 6:45am on a deserted suburban street, overlooking some backwoods, listening to the river of my breath and the flow of my feet. Alone and divorced from the mill of New York's daily hubbub and my final, cramping stretch.
I can't believe I'm a month into this. I've felt progress rather than seen it. The ease of breathing after a certain amount of exertion, and the positive feeling before and after I exercise. I think after a month it really does become a habit that you start to enjoy. That's what I'd advocate: Give it a month, consistently (at least 3x/wk).
Goal for this week: More weights. And to hang on to my sanity.
Monday: Pool. It's getting easier. I'm in the 'FAST LANE'. This may sound impressive, but take into account that the other FAST LANE swimmers include a geriatric with flippers and a crack-head who calls himself Phelps.
Tuesday/Wednesday: These have started to be my rest days. Since I workout through the weekend, I find a need a mental break earlier in the week.
Thursday: Elliptical for an hour. Caught up on the news. I think Mother Nature is pretty upset wiht us right now.
Friday: Grotowski. Truly, this "workout" wreaks physical and emotional havoc.
Saturday: Running in a different state. Oh the glorious intake of fresh air! I did a circuit around the local playground: liners on the basketball court and calesthenics on the jungle gym. It kept me interested, at least. 25 minutes flew by.
Sunday: My surprise favorite. Running in the morning in yet another state (2 in one weekend), I was so excited by not only the perfect running weather (you know the kind: cool, with a hint of dew) and the crisp, woodsy air but also by the fact that I was OUTSIDE, I ended up running for an hour. It literally flew by. And around the half hour mark, I remembered how I used to love running. The way it feels when I reconnect with my torso and limbs moving on their own, drinking in fresh air like cold tea, feeling the blood pulse in sync with the rhythm of my breathing - I could have run right off the streets and kept going for days. It was the first time in a few months where I've had a quiet morning to myself to think and be peaceful on my own terms. I did not have to wake up that early for class or work; I woke up for me, and I had space and time to clear my thoughts. I found my sanity; it's at 6:45am on a deserted suburban street, overlooking some backwoods, listening to the river of my breath and the flow of my feet. Alone and divorced from the mill of New York's daily hubbub and my final, cramping stretch.
I can't believe I'm a month into this. I've felt progress rather than seen it. The ease of breathing after a certain amount of exertion, and the positive feeling before and after I exercise. I think after a month it really does become a habit that you start to enjoy. That's what I'd advocate: Give it a month, consistently (at least 3x/wk).
Goal for this week: More weights. And to hang on to my sanity.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Week Three: Reconfiguring
I crawled into bed last night at 1am, knowing that I didn't get the post up in time, but satisfied that I had carved out time to exercise this week with the hectic schedule. If last week was stressful, this week was burn-out.
Monday: A quick workout on my lunch break for 20 minutes. Not enough to fill my craving for starting-the-week-off-with-a-bang, but a much needed mental freshener for the rest of the day.
Tuesday: The day got the best of me and I didn't make time for exercising. I did, however, fill my brain with so much Shakespearean langauge that I felt as if I had run a marathon.
Wednesday: see Tuesday.
Thursday: Worked out for a half hour in the pool. Literally the only time I had, due to being in class until 10:30pm that evening. I thought, before I began my workout, "I am going to enjoy swimming. It's something I like, being in the water, so why not just have a good time?" And, miraculously, after killing a half-mile, I felt like I could have swam for another whole hour.
Friday: Jazzed by Thursday's mentality, I woke up super early and went for yoga in the East Village. It's my new favorite thing. After that, I faced Grotowski and, after an hour and a half of racked sobbing and physical exhaustion, all I wanted was to go to sleep. Which I managed to do around 11 o'clock that night.
Saturday: Spent the day in - a cancelled rehearsal left room for me to catch up on work and do some housecleaning, and around 3pm, I went on what I like to call the "Little Red Lighthouse Run". Starting near Grant's Tomb, I run up through Riverside Park to the George Washington Bridge - so close that I'm practically standing underneath it. And right at the water's edge is a little red lighthouse from the 1800s that is, though defunct, a historical landmark of NYC. It's not much taller than a regular house, and it's far enough away that a "there-and-back" run will take an hour or so. The weather was nice, and I was feeling anxious to get in enough working out to constitute a week's worth, so...success.
Sunday: A nice hour and a half at the gym - 30 minutes on the Spinning bike, and an hour doing weights - a "pushing" day. This is a new idea I picked up from some of the guys who are in there regularly: you can have pushing days or pulling days, and structure your workout based on those sorts of activities. I think there are two other sorts of days you can have, but I forget. Anyhow, it's a nice respite to go in and say, "What can I pull on?" for each muscle, rather than having to go and staple yourself to one machine or endure lunges yet again. Wokring out in the afternoons make me extremely tired by the day's end, so I slept well, albeit not enough.
This week, I really started to enjoy myself during my workouts: my heart wasn't thudding as hard as usual, and I was pleasantly surprised by the ease of Sunday's workout...it would not have been that easy a few weeks ago. I think it's time to bump up either intensity or duration...which means I must be making progress!
This week's focus: more weights.
Monday: A quick workout on my lunch break for 20 minutes. Not enough to fill my craving for starting-the-week-off-with-a-bang, but a much needed mental freshener for the rest of the day.
Tuesday: The day got the best of me and I didn't make time for exercising. I did, however, fill my brain with so much Shakespearean langauge that I felt as if I had run a marathon.
Wednesday: see Tuesday.
Thursday: Worked out for a half hour in the pool. Literally the only time I had, due to being in class until 10:30pm that evening. I thought, before I began my workout, "I am going to enjoy swimming. It's something I like, being in the water, so why not just have a good time?" And, miraculously, after killing a half-mile, I felt like I could have swam for another whole hour.
Friday: Jazzed by Thursday's mentality, I woke up super early and went for yoga in the East Village. It's my new favorite thing. After that, I faced Grotowski and, after an hour and a half of racked sobbing and physical exhaustion, all I wanted was to go to sleep. Which I managed to do around 11 o'clock that night.
Saturday: Spent the day in - a cancelled rehearsal left room for me to catch up on work and do some housecleaning, and around 3pm, I went on what I like to call the "Little Red Lighthouse Run". Starting near Grant's Tomb, I run up through Riverside Park to the George Washington Bridge - so close that I'm practically standing underneath it. And right at the water's edge is a little red lighthouse from the 1800s that is, though defunct, a historical landmark of NYC. It's not much taller than a regular house, and it's far enough away that a "there-and-back" run will take an hour or so. The weather was nice, and I was feeling anxious to get in enough working out to constitute a week's worth, so...success.
Sunday: A nice hour and a half at the gym - 30 minutes on the Spinning bike, and an hour doing weights - a "pushing" day. This is a new idea I picked up from some of the guys who are in there regularly: you can have pushing days or pulling days, and structure your workout based on those sorts of activities. I think there are two other sorts of days you can have, but I forget. Anyhow, it's a nice respite to go in and say, "What can I pull on?" for each muscle, rather than having to go and staple yourself to one machine or endure lunges yet again. Wokring out in the afternoons make me extremely tired by the day's end, so I slept well, albeit not enough.
This week, I really started to enjoy myself during my workouts: my heart wasn't thudding as hard as usual, and I was pleasantly surprised by the ease of Sunday's workout...it would not have been that easy a few weeks ago. I think it's time to bump up either intensity or duration...which means I must be making progress!
This week's focus: more weights.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Week Two: Where There's Will
Two old friends, Temptation and Stress, drop in for a visit. Actually, Temptation wandered in from the backyard as usual, and Stress somehow snuck in during the middle of the night.
Monday: How easy it would be to sleep in, I dreamed. Especially since it's raining, and it's Monday. The guilt of having to either a) write that I slept in and skipped a workout - or b) flat out lie about a workout - woke me up and forced me to get dressed. Stumbling into the gym at 6:15am, I did the ADHD workout: 10 minutes of cardio on three different machines. Attention-deficeit, yes. Hyper-active, no.
Tuesday: How easy it would be to sleep in, I dreamed again. Especially since it's raining again and it's Tuesday. "Was that thunder?", Temptation asked lazily from my bedside.
After a particularly grueling Monday, I deserved it.
I opted for the Summit Trainer at the gym that evening - like climbing a mountain, only without the fresh air...or scenery. (Watching two old Walkman-ed seniors jog beleaguerdly around the indoor track doesn't count.) 15 minutes on the Stair Master while waiting for the Summit Trainer, 30 minutes mimicking a mountain climb, then 15 minutes on the Upright Bicycle. Why do all these machines have names that threaten militant domination?
Wednesday: Stress accompanied me to most of my classes. Three assignments due (performances of memorized scenes or text that require technical process to be in place) and I missed a deadline for some paperwork at the House. I blame Temptation's Tuesday antics - if I hadn't slept in, Stress might have given me some space. By 11pm that night, I went in for a late-night ADHD workout. Definitely attention-deficeit (I was focusing on a long-lost pleasure known as TV), but more hyper-active than Monday: Stair Master for 10 minutes, Recumbent Bike for 10, and the ERG for 10 minutes to finish...all the while keeping the heart rate about 140. I was pleased with the interval training I fit in on the rower: every 2 minutes, I'd pull as hard and fast as possible for 10 strokes. Back Off, Stress.
Thursday: I refused to let Stress tag along for the day's activities. Vinyasa yoga played a nice part in allowing me to focus on my breathing, and re-center with my inner calmness. It also played a nice part in educating me about shoulder stands, and how the endocrinal system uprighted can solve all your health problems. I'm always mystified by the yogi health vocabulary, however. What exactly is "vitality"? And how is that different from "aligning your energies"?
Friday: Energized from Thursday's yoga, I trekked over to the East Village at 6am for some more Vinyasa at a place called Yoga To The People (it's an amazing establishment, there's one in SF if you chance upon it) for the simple pleasure of hearing the Tibetan Singing Bowl. Please try to experience the sound a singing bowl in person before you die. It's beautiful and rare. Hearing it live is a whole different experience. Sweating it out on the mat for an hour was beneficial for my soul, and then I trekked over to school and had a complete emotional breakdown in Grotowski class (see last week for description of this Technique). Bascially, I fried my CNS to the point where I felt more vulnerable than I have in my entire life...or maybe dregged up some vulnerability that I've been trying to mask for years now. Between the soul-fulfilling yoga and the emotionally-draining weeping I did all before lunchtime, I felt like a robot for the next 10 hours.
Saturday: Rehearsals all day and a meeting with colleagues = Rest Day.
Sunday: A journey to the Botanical Gardens in Brooklyn, followed by Easter Mass, and then work and five hours of rehearsal allowed me to walk over 6 miles during the day. I'm worried about the upcoming week however, and how to fit in working out to my schedule - every hour from 7am until 10pm is booked with either class, work, meetings, or rehearsals. Yikes.
On the upside, I received a great book in the mail today called "When Food is Love" and I haven't been able to put it down...it's already putting some things in perspective when I'm hankering for an eclair.
This week, I was successful in feeling better after working out. In fact, I found that if I could have time to put in two sessions of yoga everyday, I'd do it. And if you're sitting here thinking that yoga isn't as intense as a cardio workout, you may be right, but I challenge you to try vinyasa for an hour and a half one of these days and then we'll talk about different levels of rigor.
Stay tuned for next week. If I make it through and manage to workout at least 20 minutes everyday, I'll be okay with that.
Monday: How easy it would be to sleep in, I dreamed. Especially since it's raining, and it's Monday. The guilt of having to either a) write that I slept in and skipped a workout - or b) flat out lie about a workout - woke me up and forced me to get dressed. Stumbling into the gym at 6:15am, I did the ADHD workout: 10 minutes of cardio on three different machines. Attention-deficeit, yes. Hyper-active, no.
Tuesday: How easy it would be to sleep in, I dreamed again. Especially since it's raining again and it's Tuesday. "Was that thunder?", Temptation asked lazily from my bedside.
After a particularly grueling Monday, I deserved it.
I opted for the Summit Trainer at the gym that evening - like climbing a mountain, only without the fresh air...or scenery. (Watching two old Walkman-ed seniors jog beleaguerdly around the indoor track doesn't count.) 15 minutes on the Stair Master while waiting for the Summit Trainer, 30 minutes mimicking a mountain climb, then 15 minutes on the Upright Bicycle. Why do all these machines have names that threaten militant domination?
Wednesday: Stress accompanied me to most of my classes. Three assignments due (performances of memorized scenes or text that require technical process to be in place) and I missed a deadline for some paperwork at the House. I blame Temptation's Tuesday antics - if I hadn't slept in, Stress might have given me some space. By 11pm that night, I went in for a late-night ADHD workout. Definitely attention-deficeit (I was focusing on a long-lost pleasure known as TV), but more hyper-active than Monday: Stair Master for 10 minutes, Recumbent Bike for 10, and the ERG for 10 minutes to finish...all the while keeping the heart rate about 140. I was pleased with the interval training I fit in on the rower: every 2 minutes, I'd pull as hard and fast as possible for 10 strokes. Back Off, Stress.
Thursday: I refused to let Stress tag along for the day's activities. Vinyasa yoga played a nice part in allowing me to focus on my breathing, and re-center with my inner calmness. It also played a nice part in educating me about shoulder stands, and how the endocrinal system uprighted can solve all your health problems. I'm always mystified by the yogi health vocabulary, however. What exactly is "vitality"? And how is that different from "aligning your energies"?
Friday: Energized from Thursday's yoga, I trekked over to the East Village at 6am for some more Vinyasa at a place called Yoga To The People (it's an amazing establishment, there's one in SF if you chance upon it) for the simple pleasure of hearing the Tibetan Singing Bowl. Please try to experience the sound a singing bowl in person before you die. It's beautiful and rare. Hearing it live is a whole different experience. Sweating it out on the mat for an hour was beneficial for my soul, and then I trekked over to school and had a complete emotional breakdown in Grotowski class (see last week for description of this Technique). Bascially, I fried my CNS to the point where I felt more vulnerable than I have in my entire life...or maybe dregged up some vulnerability that I've been trying to mask for years now. Between the soul-fulfilling yoga and the emotionally-draining weeping I did all before lunchtime, I felt like a robot for the next 10 hours.
Saturday: Rehearsals all day and a meeting with colleagues = Rest Day.
Sunday: A journey to the Botanical Gardens in Brooklyn, followed by Easter Mass, and then work and five hours of rehearsal allowed me to walk over 6 miles during the day. I'm worried about the upcoming week however, and how to fit in working out to my schedule - every hour from 7am until 10pm is booked with either class, work, meetings, or rehearsals. Yikes.
On the upside, I received a great book in the mail today called "When Food is Love" and I haven't been able to put it down...it's already putting some things in perspective when I'm hankering for an eclair.
This week, I was successful in feeling better after working out. In fact, I found that if I could have time to put in two sessions of yoga everyday, I'd do it. And if you're sitting here thinking that yoga isn't as intense as a cardio workout, you may be right, but I challenge you to try vinyasa for an hour and a half one of these days and then we'll talk about different levels of rigor.
Stay tuned for next week. If I make it through and manage to workout at least 20 minutes everyday, I'll be okay with that.
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